MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
