end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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