apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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