Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(586): View more from Michigan

I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts

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(619): View more from California

So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...

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(860): View more from Connecticut

As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.

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(785): View more from Kansas

so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse

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(973): View more from New Jersey

I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..

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(541): View more from Oregon

blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best

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(818): View more from California

You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.

(805): View more from California

Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.

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(216): View more from Ohio

Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.

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(317): View more from Indiana

He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.

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