i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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