I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
