Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
