She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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