You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
