but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
