Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
