so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
