Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
