I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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