If i come over, it means nothing
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
