I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Are we still banned from the library?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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