considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
My vagina is officially offended.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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