A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
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Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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