be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
