his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
