My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
