Please, let me fuck your mom
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize