Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
