we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
