PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Randomize
