the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Randomize
