I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
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So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
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If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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