im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
It was confusing and full of hummus
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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