I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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