you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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