GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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