community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
