I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Randomize
