Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
