Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
