I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
someone threw a dead crab at me
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
