Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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