96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Randomize
