I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
