Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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