You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
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I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
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Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
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