Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize