I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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