in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Randomize
