Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Randomize
