This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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