every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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