This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
