You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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