fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
