U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Randomize
