So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
