The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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