I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Redeem this text for a blowjob
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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