Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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