we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
