dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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