Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I need to calm my uterus...
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
