I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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