I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
