And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
