You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
