I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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