So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
