Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
