the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
