Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
