Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
