I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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