Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
