Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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