i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
