Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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