I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
