Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Randomize
