Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize