sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
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